Sunday, April 29, 2007


Life is interesting. As children, for the most part, we do things based on gut feel. Build a sandcastle, make a tree fort, eat cake for breakfast... and somehow we can get away with it because someone sees how happy it makes us.

As adults, we search for the right thing to do. There's a tendency to cast some dreams aside and search for stability: get a good education, a noble job, pay bills, etc. For me, I have trouble with this stability because it makes me unstable. It has something to do with following a path that seems more defined over the winding path that will make me happier.

I'm taking this winding path as often as I can, now. It makes me feel alive. It makes me appreciate things. It makes me truly happy.

Rules don't make a lot of sense, when it comes to life. They're logical, but so many things are so much better when they're illogical and don't seem to make any sense. There is something about intuition that is truly brilliant, and I'll never really know what it is. To me, that's what's beautiful. I don't want to know. I want to hear about it, but I don't ever want to find the answer because it's just not important. It's important to just be 'in it' as much as you can... to where it comes naturally, and you don't have to fight it at all.

I still have to fight, but I'm getting much better at giving in and doing what I feel like. I find it funny that we spend so much time trying to shed ourselves of childish rationales for our actions, but only when we can go back to it, are we as genuinely happy as we were then.


shannon said...

Well said, I heartily agree - though I always like "to know"!! Too curious...

But why so introspective all of a sudden? Everything ok? Job not getting you down too much? I'd probably go nuts at mine, but I come home and write and read and watch the cats play on the lawn, and that helps tremendously.

Personally, I've never had the stress of feeling I have to fit in with the job, house, kids etc. I think it comes from having been raised so ... informally, and although we were raised to make our decisions etc., we were also encouraged to do what makes us happy. That's probably why there are so many artists in the family...

Spudz said...

I was raised very formally. I have years of doing what is 'proper' behind me and quite honestly, I've just realized this is not the way to live at all. It won't make me happy.

Things have been much better in my life since I said 'screw it, I'm living based on my intuition'. I think I have the tools now to trust my 'feel' and they're proving to be much better than anything too analytical.

And yeah, I'm an introspective person... why else do you think I'm such a classic literature snob? :P